"This family has been so destroyed with anger, it will never be the same" A quote from a show on A&E. It actually is quite suitable to our own family in which I sadly clearly realized yesterday when we decided to sneak over to Mom and Larry's to meet our newest little niece last night. She was beautiful and perfect. I personally got hold her and feed her and I could smell that intoxicating baby smell and held back my sobs very well while thinking how little we will know this little girl and how little she know us. It truly breaks my heart.(This section was written a little while ago)
I guess I will take this opportunity to explain some things about where I am and how I got here, so IF my sisters in law read this they will understand some things about me. First off Facebook, it is a great thing to reach out to long lost relatives, friends, and an easy way to minister to others but it can also be a tool the Enemy can use to cause you to live in sin, hiding behind the computer and obsessing over status updates and reading between the lines trying to figure out what ones have hidden meanings with secret stabs at who you are. I was doing just that. I was living in sin obsessing over a couple of people and their status updates and trying to figure out what the jabs were and so I stopped subscribing to the updates but that wasn't enough to stop it. I then would go a couple weeks without taking a look but then temptation was too much I would go looking for the ones I missed over the past few weeks and try reading between the lines, so I removed them all together from my friends list without explanations and the more time went by the harder it seemed to explain it to them, there were others I removed from my friends list for different reasons mainly because they were posting rude and inconsiderate comments on my Facebook page and I was sick of it, I figured if you want to insult me why would I keep you as a friend? Friends don't do that! Anyways I am over the obsessive monitoring of others and I know it is stupid to read into things on Facebook of all things and I don't care about what others write if they want to use Facebook as a place to take jabs at me fine I don't care honestly, I was a little disappointed that my nieces took it on themselves to remove me from their pages when they had nothing to do with what was going on between me and their moms but I know how it feels now too when you were not expecting it so I am sorry for not explaining my actions to you sisters of my husband.I have to say it was extremely difficult to humbly go to Mom and Larry's that night and to say out loud that I DO LOVE them even with all the hurts that happened but I did and I could not believe the reaction and rejection I felt after but I do still LOVE them and still hold them in my prayers daily. If they wanted to re add me then great but I am not going to put myself out there to feel rejection again and I can move on in my life with or without because honestly its JUST Facebook. lol.
Secondly, Church....Well Jer and I were members of Word Of Life in Niverville until recently when we decided to start looking for another church. I was honestly at a point in my life to throw my hands up and walk away from church all together due to the politics and disgusting things we have witnessed being involved in ministries and seeing what too much power and control can do to a group and individuals. We also realized that we gave everything to that church and loved our church family but were so easily discarded by it that it made us feel used and uncared for by it. There were a few people who said they missed us but not the people we expected. oh well. We will move on and find another place to call our home church because after being without for sometime now we realize we miss that connection to God you get from going every week. We will miss a lot of the people we got to know through WOL and know that some truly loved and supported us. We feel like some of them even became extended family members. BUT we are nervously excited to move on and move forward and grow even more spiritually through a new place we find, the sooner the better.I will also never be afraid to speak up and question my Leadership if I feel something is not in line with scripture and the teachings of Jesus. I will also remember to ask if actions I witness and the ones I make myself are done with Grace, Mercy and Love. IF THEY ARE NOT then they are NOT of God!!! Got any suggestions of a good church in my area?? haha:)
Lastly, I was having a really bad day just thinking about our finances and bills and trying to cope with things that seem to continue to add up, plus all the other stresses we have been facing over time...Jeremy's Dad being diagnosed with Cancer, plus the separation of family ties plus everything else that leaves a very long list of things spinning in my head. I would love to help my husband financially to relieve him of some of the pressure that is affecting our relationship but we only have one vehicle so I would have to work in town or nights and weekends:( Well I had worked out something simple with friends of ours to clean house for them but then also took a chance at applying at the Hotel here in town, I applied on Wednesday and Thursday morning I got a phone call and he said if I passed the serving it safe course I could start as soon as possible. So this week I took the course and got 91%!!!! So I start this Thursday!! YAY Me taking actions to help out my husband relieve some of the stresses we have had, and save $$$ for some holidays coming up in the next couple of years that we are hoping to take.
Yaaaaahhhhh SooOOOooooooOooo That is just a little update of ME and where I am now and how I got here and prayers are always welcome and so are your comments but HEY thanks for reading reader!!! :)
