This summer had been a bit rough for me and my husband. We have had our struggles with family, friends, finances, following God's lead, our faith....allot of F words I know! But as of recently I have been comforted in most things on that list.
Family...mostly has been on the up slope I think there are hurts that are healing and forgiveness where it needs to be, although some are still not on the good in some situations and others are completely written off in my books that I still love and pray for but do not really care to see. I know they are lost and need my prayer and I forgive them their trespasses BUT I do not need to have them in my life to "feel complete". I have also had some major events take place in the lives of some of our family members that have been very good and light, but some very dark and scary and we are dealing with each thing as it surfaces.
Our Friends, well they have come into the light, I thought for a bit that I was not really uhm...??valued?? as a friend to some and it has come to my realization that it was Satan having a party with my insecurities. I also realize that due to my own insecurities kicked into high gear I was not being a good friend to some as well, I did not reach out to some who were suffering in their own battles and I feel horrible for not seeing passed my own garbage and not seeing those who were hurting. I do want to be better at seeing that when I need to...God please help me with that!!
Our Finances, well that is tough, because things are okay right now, but they are so tight and sometimes I don't feel like I am contributing anything and it seems harder on my husband some weeks more than others to keep us going. We always make it through the cracks with a tight squeeze but there are usually scrapes and bruises from the trip so to speak.
Following God's lead...or our Faith....well this summer we have missed allot of church and have felt disconnected from everything. We took a step back and as hard as it was once we started preparing for the new kick off of serving in youth (a passion Jer and I both have) this upcoming year, things just did not feel right to us. Both of us were struggling to even tell each other what we were thinking because we LOVE the kids we served and we both had mixed feelings about doing it again yet couldn't actually quit. I had realized the first PUSH night we went to that for sure this was not where God wanted us to be and as hard as it was we had to walk away with a clean break, yet I still stay in the Facebook group...??... I just have not actually had the conversation with the new youth pastor that I know I need to. I am waiting on God's timing for that and I KNOW it is coming.
My Faith though is getting all fired up again, I feel it deep within me, a few weeks ago I said out loud that I felt kind of numb to joy or happiness, NOT depressed just lacking somethings that used to bring that extra bliss to my world, and this summer of disconnection was not helping. I attended a meeting for the Women's Ministry I am serving in this year and before I went I prayed that God would change something in me, and make things new again. Well he did, after leaving that meeting I was all pumped up for no particular reason felt really excited for all that this year will bring me and the women we touch. Then I read about counting all He has blessed me with and I got all sappy and felt that sincere JOY again, then the more I pray to open my heart and change how I seen things the easier it is getting again to hear God's calling me; to do things in HIS time and according to His will.
For example tonight after making this soup...and the panic I had to just sit on my couch and start praying, I had no idea what for but just prayed and prayed and cried and thought "are you kidding me God??!!! Seriously? I am crying??!! WHAT for!!?" I went to the bathroom to calm myself and wash my face. and sat down at the computer....WOW....it was needed!!!BIG TIME! an it may not be much to some but MAN God is so powerful and I feel like somebody put some kind of redbull in my pepsi and I feel HIS almighty power through my simple words and tears and I pray it makes a difference!When you think you are a minor blip on Christ's radar and then you have a mind blowing experience that affirms that you are a part of something greater, you are a part of His army, I tell you this; there is nothing like that power running through you!!!
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I feel
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like a SOLDIER!!!!
I liked how a few bloggers have included verses and I think it is a GREAT idea! Consider it copied! I especially thought a few might suit this entry! thanks and good night my reader!
Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. Psalm 61:1-4
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Psalm 51:10-12
and finally...
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Yes, Veronica, God IS powerful! It's like you knew what Graham was going to speak about today! How exciting that you have felt that power in you!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are a part of the WM Team... :)
Thanks, It was Crazy!!! I kept nudging Jeremy, "That's what I blogged!!!" I was practically jumping in my seat!:)
ReplyDeleteI am so excited to be on the WM Team:)thank you:)